Meet The Platoon
by StuffedCrustLord
Summary: The cast of Sgt. Frog have all been placed into the Team Fortress 2 universe. Now's your chance to re-meet all of your favorite classes through the words of everyone's favorite bunch of anime alien frogs. (AU fanfic/Just something I made for fun/Rated T for language, violence, and LOTS of blood) [EXPIRATION DATE: PART 1 IS NOW UP]
1. Meet The Dorospy

"Intruder Alert!" a loud, female voice shouted from the intercom over the constant ringing of the blue platoon's alarm system. "A red spy is in the base!" Keroro looked up at the wall of emergency signs and watched as the alerts that read 'Intruder Alert', 'Red Spy' and 'In Base' lit up as soon as the voice spoke the same words.

"Gero? A red spy is in the base?!" he said to himself before grabbing his shotgun and marching out of the room.

"Protect the Keroball!" the voice ordered as the green soldier sprinted down the stairs and trying to keep his helmet securely on.

Keroro ran through the base's massive number of halls as blue siren lights flashed across the ceiling. "Tamama! Where are you?! We have to protect the Keroball!" he yelled into the empty halls around him.

"Over here, Sarge!" Keroro heard Tamama's echoing reply. Turning his head to the side, Keroro could see Tamama at the end of the nearest hall, yanking viciously on the handle of the door to the main room where the Keroball was being kept. Giroro held his machine gun in hand as he usually did as he stood silently beside the tired scout.

"For the last time, Tamama, the door is locked!" Giroro yelled as Tamama continued to tug. Running forward to assist the two Keronians, Keroro grabbed Tamama by the shoulder and pushed him out of the way of the locked entrance.

"Stand back, you two. I've got this!" Keroro assured the them before going to work punching in the security code on the number pad located to the right side of the door. "One, one, one...uhh...one!" Keroro said as he tapped the first key with his finger four continuous times. A loud buzzing sound was heard a split second later to alert that the code was incorrect.

"Crap!" Keroro cursed as he tried his second attempt. "One, one, one...two!"

A loud buzz was heard once again. "CRAP! One, one, one...uhh...three!"

"I don't have time for this!" Giroro shouted from the other end of the hall before charging full speed for the door with his machine gun in hand. "OUT OF THE WAAAY!"

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, WAIT!" Keroro pleaded while Tamama only screamed as Giroro came charging closer toward them. Building momentum, Giroro managed to push through both the two Keronians and the locked door, causing Keroro, Tamama, and several shards of broken glass to come bursting uncontrollably into the room.

Falling to the floor, Tamama saw the nearest mounted object to where he was landing, which happened to be the main table where the Keroball would be sitting and grabbed onto it, catching his fall. Pulling the rest of his soar body onto the table, he looked to its surface and saw the Keroball sitting untouched in the center.

"Hey, it's still here." Tamama calmly said. Keroro attempted to lift himself back onto his feet as Giroro looked to the Keroball, sighing with relief.

"Oh, thank frog! That means that scumbag spy hasn't gotten hear yet." he stated as they all suddenly heard small footsteps walk in through the busted doorway.

"Gentlefrogs." Dororo casually said.

* * *

**MEET THE DOROSPY**

* * *

"Good to see the Keroball is still safe." Dororo continued as he slowly strolled into the room, carrying a dark purple Keronian wearing a brown vest over his shoulder.

"That's right!" Keroro reassured him. "Safe and sound."

"About time you got here." Giroro interrupted with a huff. "Have you caught the spy yet?"

"Not yet." Dororo replied. "And by the sweat on all of your faces, I'm guessing nobody else has either?" Everyone shook their heads.

"Well then...we still have a problem." Dororo's tone changed as he threw the Garuru corpse onto the table, revealing a sharpened ninja blade sticking out of the center of his bleeding back.

"G-Garuru!" Giroro was taken a step back at the sight of his fallen brother. Trying desperately to hold in his grief, he placed his hand over his brother's head and slowly rubbed the back of his skull.

"Don't worry, brother." he whispered. "I WILL avenge you."

Tamama walked over and gave the red heavy three comforting pats on the back. "Don't worry, Giroro. I'm sure we'll be able to beat this guy! Remember, I've killed plenty of dirty red spies before, so this guy should be no problem."

"I'm afraid it won't be that easy, Tamama." Dororo reluctantly soured the scout's confidence. "This spy is unlike any we've ever fought before. I can't even be sure all of us will survive."

Keroro blew into the air. "What are you? President of his fan club?" he followed up with a chuckle. Dororo turned to Keroro with a disapproving squint in his eyes.

"No." he causally said as he lifted up a paper file. "That would be your MOTHER!"

Throwing the file onto the table, Dororo let several photographs fall out and spread out in front of him. Each photo had both Keroro's mother and the red Dororo spy in them, sensually laying in a brightly lit, curtain covered bedroom with each photo showing them holding one another in a different position. Keroro silently skimmed over the pile of photos as his eyelids grew wider each passing second and his jaw hung open as far as it could go.

"Don't get too distracted, Keroro. For pornography starring your mother might just be the second worst thing to happen to you today." Dororo said, walking serenely toward the map of the base that was hanging on the wall in front of him.

"This spy has already breached our defenses."

* * *

_Keeping himself hidden in the shadows, the red Dororo leaped across the ceiling from corner to corner above the ground, eventually finding a blue Kululu sitting in front of the entrance to the base over a plate of curry, one of his sentries standing behind him as a guard. Reaching into his pocket, Dororo pulled out an illuminated kunai knife and threw it down at the rotating weapon, striking its legs._

_"Hmm?" Kululu turned his head slightly when he heard his sentry begin to make loud phasing noises as it released sparks of blue lightning. _

_"NYAAA!" Dororo heard the Kululu scream as he watched his sentry suddenly exploded behind him, killing the engineer and sending the door flying open._

* * *

"You've seen what he's done to our platoon mates."

* * *

_Garuru sat with his right eye behind his scope, waiting for the red spy that he knew was behind him to make a move. Catching the best opportunity he had, Garuru suddenly dropped his rifle and leaped instinctively at the spy with his newly pulled out laser sword in hand, only to have it perfectly collide with Dororo's blade. _

_After a few back and forth collisions, Dororo suddenly gained the upper hand and cut Garuru across the cheek. Garuru paused to place his fingers up against the cut, bringing it back down to his face and staring revolted at the stream of blood that he had removed from it. _

_Throwing himself frantically at the spy in an act of rage, Dororo weaved under the purple Keronian and sliced him straight through his gut. Garuru wailed in pain as he was kicked onto the railing of a tall ledge and brutally stabbed in the back, sending him over the railing and screaming through the air._

* * *

"And worst of all...he could be any one of us."

* * *

_Pururu flung her hacksaw straight at the red spy before having her arm be caught mid-attack and being wrapped around Dororo's in a tight lock. She then stared helpless into his eyes as the red Dororo's face suddenly faded into one that matched her's perfectly. Scared and wishing for someone to bust in and help her, she was now looking at an exact mirror image of herself, her body suddenly going numb as Dororo then gave her one quick jab with the side of his hand against her neck. _

_Falling to the floor, the paralyzed Pururu saw Dororo grab the dropped saw blade that was now laying on the beside her and look back down at the medic's terrified face, his eyes filled with deadly lust. "Please...I beg you...please don't..." Pururu said before the red Dororo began sawing at her sore neck, silencing her._

* * *

"He could be in this very room. It could even be me for all we know. Now listen closely! To find this spy, we..."

Small chunks of brain and skull splattered onto the wall behind him as Dororo's headless corpse collapsed to the ground. Tamama jumped back in shock as Giroro screamed furiously into Keroro's ear. "KERORO! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT!?"

Keroro cocked his shotgun as an empty canister flew out and landed on the floor. "What? He was obviously the red spy the whole time. Just watch." Keroro replied, walking forward and looking down at the decapitated Dororo with a victorious smirk on his face. "He'll turn red any second now."

Several seconds of silence passed before Keroro carefully nudged Dororo's leg with his gun. "Aaaaaany second now."

One full minute passed without anything happening. Both Keroro and Giroro were now fully engulfed in a blank, grey color. "Ssssooooo..." Keroro broke the silence. "...we've still got a spy to catch, huh?"

Giroro's eyes lit up with flames of anger as he ran up to Keroro and violently shook him. "YOU MORON! NOW WE'LL NEVER FIND THE SPY!" he screamed as Keroro pleaded for him to stop.

"WAIT! I can fix this! Me and Tamama can still find the spy together! Right, Tamama?" Keroro turned to where Tamama was originally standing, finding only an empty corner.

"Tamama?" Both Keroro and Giroro turned to the empty corner in confusion as Tamama suddenly appeared behind them in a split second, holding the same sword that had been jabbed into Garuru's back.

"Don't worry, Sarge." Tamama said as he lifted the sword over his head in attacking position before fading back into his original outfit, returning the red Keronian to his regular, much deeper sounding voice. "I'm right behind you."

* * *

Walking informally past the three dead bodies that laid beneath him, the red Dororo was about to leave the room with the Keroball in his hands when he noticed the familiar pile of photographs of him and Mrs. Keroro that were spread out over the table. Pushing a few out of the way, he found his way to the bottom of the pile, finding one certain photo of them both holding hands as they strolled out into the sunset. Dororo picked up the single photo and smiled warmly.

"Ahh...my little flower." he whispered, sneaking the photo into his left shirt pocket and exiting the room.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed this little rewrite of 'Meet The Spy' featuring the Sgt. Frog cast. I've already finished all of the 'Meet The...' rewrites and will now give you a short recap of who is going to be portraying each character.

Keroro-Soldier

Giroro-Heavy

Tamama-Scout

Kululu-Engineer

Dororo-Spy

Pururu-Medic

Joriri-Demoman

Garuru-Sniper

Shurara-Pyro

**FUN FACT:** This entire project was originally inspired by a drawing on deviantART by Doodle-Devil-Kururu. Here's a link to the image.

/art/TF2-Frogs-141651981


	2. Meet The Purumedic

A bright light appeared over the horizon. A full body cast wearing Joriri in a speeding wheelchair came rolling out from behind the large hill with a scared, stitch covered Tamama following close behind. "Move it, Junior! Move it!" the black colored scout screamed in terror as a wave of explosions appeared just a few feet behind them, sending Tamama flying off of the ground and into the side of a mountain.

Bouncing off and landing on his side, the young Keronian inched himself onto his stomach and attempted to crawl away to safety before seeing three large rockets fly out from over the hill and straight down towards him. "YOU STAY BACK!" he yelled at the falling rockets, his eyes turning bloodshot and his cheeks beginning to expand. "TAMAMA IMPA-"

"-AAAHHHHHHH!" he screamed, his body flying through the air from the three explosions. He screaming was suddenly silence when his face smashed against the window of Pururu's medical room, catching her attention. She set her quick fix down and looked up at the scout's mangled face that was pressed up against the now broken glass.

"Medic."

* * *

**MEET THE PURUMEDIC**

* * *

"I suppose that most frogs would think that when you're a field medic, doing no harm would be the main issue." Pururu explained, looking back on her past mishaps when she was first starting out. "I happen to disagree."

* * *

_Pururu whispered calming words to the injured Giroro, the gaping hole in his stomach letting all of his vital organs slowly escape his body. The blood bag that was attached to the heavy which hung beside her head suddenly burst open, causing the contents to spill out onto the floor. Looking at the wall behind the broken bag, she saw a recently thrown, red-stained ninja star attached to it, drops of the emptied out blood dripping off the side. Fearfully turning to her right, she saw a blue spy standing in the room with her, his blade out and ready to attack._

* * *

"In fact, I often found that the best kind of medicine was preventing it from happening in the first place. Doing it myself was usual the most affective."

* * *

_Pururu screamed at the top of her lungs as she brought her saw blade down on the terrified red spy, instantly cutting his head clean off, sending it soaring into the air and landing perfectly in the dying heavy's open palm. Pinning the decapitated body against the wall, Pururu jabbed the end of the blood transfusion tube into the spy's open neck and threw it to the ground, pushing down on its torso to try and get the blood to flow out of its body and into Giroro._

* * *

"It was by far the hardest time of my life as a medic. In the time it took to save just one patient, a hundred others were already dead."

* * *

_Sweat heavily poured down Pururu's face as she continued to push down on the dead spy's body, listening to the endless sounds of her platoon mates' screaming from just outside her door. Giroro's heart moniter suddenly went on a constant beeping, making Pururu jump up in shock and begin mindlessly shaking him to wake up. Having been unsuccessful in saving him, Pururu furiously slammed her fist against the wall as she could feel her stress level increase and her vision go blurry from the sweat in her eyes._

* * *

"To tell you the truth, I had actually almost given up. Not just with being a medic, but with life in general. I even considered suicide at one point. I know it sounds idiotic now, but I really was on the verge of something awful. It was, and always will have been, my darkest moment. That is until something...unexpected happened."

* * *

_A sudden explosion from outside her room unexpectedly erupted, destroying her wall and sending Pururu flying off of the fallen Giroro and onto the bloodstained floor. She struggled to get back up as her hearing and vision suddenly became blurry. Looking into the corner of her room, she could see a horribly burning Joriri fall backwards into her medicine shelf, knocking everything off. Landing on the floor with the sound of plastic canisters and glass jars breaking, she watched as all of her supplies spilled out onto the floor in front of her, mixing together in a pool of frog urine and assorted pills. _

_Quickly spreading across the ground, the small pool reached a power socket that had been knocked out of the wall by the same explosion, electrifying the entire puddle. She was immediately starstruck when she saw the pool suddenly completely transform into a thick, dark red substance._

* * *

"...Inspiration struck."

* * *

_Tamama wailed in pain at his severed arm, which he was now holding in his other hand. A drop of blood flew out of his socket and landed in the red puddle, catching Pururu's attention. The spot where the blood had landed suddenly released tiny, translucent red crosses into the air above it._

_Pururu instantly went to work and pulled the tube out of Giroro's arm. She then began once again pushing down on the dead spy, its blood spewing out of the tube and into the red stream. Hundreds of red crosses floated upwards out of it, making Pururu's eyes widen with fascination._

_Suddenly turning her attention towards Giroro, she watched with a shocked gasp as the puddle seemed to form around him, closing the hole in his chest and dragging all of his lost organs back inside with it. Before Pururu could even blink, Giroro's body suddenly seemed to look completely in full health again. _

_Giroro's eyes suddenly burst open as a loud gasp escaped his mouth. He let out several gasps of air as he studied the room around him. "What the hell happened?" he shouted, turning to Pururu and noticing the joyfully surprised look on her face._

_"Incredible." she whispered. Feeling something laying in his palm, Giroro looked to his left hand, where he saw that he held the decapitated head of a blue spy. The spy's eyes immediately sprung open._

_"KILL ME!" Dororo shouted. Giroro and Pururu both screamed in surprise as Giroro threw his head into the corner and Pururu pulled out her pistol. Firing once at the spy's head, she was starstruck when the bullet seemed to do nothing._

_"KILL ME!" Dororo kept shouting as Pururu continued to fire bullets at the screaming head, which still seemed to have absolutely no effect._

_"I'm...trying!" Pururu yelled in response before suddenly stopping and setting the gun down. "You're...bullet...proof."_

* * *

"So after I discovered my prayer answering cure, I instantly went to work on figuring out how to get it to the battlefield, where it was needed most. With my new breakthrough, I could do in seconds what would take other medics months. I could take my platoon mates to the very peek of health and beyond. I...could make gods."

* * *

Pururu stared at the chaotic scene before her. Her entire platoon was being driven back by the their enemies. Explosions covered every corner of her vision and the air was thick with ash and smoke. She saw Joriri roll up to her in his small wheelchair she had made for him, desperately trying to outrun the rockets.

"PURURU!" he shouted before one of the explosions finally caught up with him, sending him soaring out of his chair and face first into the ground.

Pururu nodded at the Demo's plea and quickly flipped the activation switch on her Medi-Gun. Aiming at the face down Joriri, a trail of red Über escaped from it and absorbed itself into Joriri's body. The demo immediately got back on his feet and threw his casts off of his body, grabbing his gun and running back full speed into battle.

"Thanks!" she heard him shout as she turned her attention to Tamama, who was laying unconscious not too far from her. Blasting him with the same red Über, Tamama could feel all of his strength return as he jumped back onto his feet and went charging towards the army of soldiers that were heading towards their base.

"Now...as I was saying..." Tamama said with a vengeful smile on his face. "...TAMAMA IMPACT!" A wave of yellow energy fired out of the scout's mouth, demolishing the first wave of enemies and revealing an even larger wave behind it.

Pururu saw the incoming attack and smiled. "Giroro! You ready!?" she shouted, seeing her red friend covered safely behind a massive stone, away from the rockets.

"I guess so! But how do you know if this will work or not!?" he screamed back at her.

"Sorry! Can't hear you! Here we go!" she said back, wishing that he wouldn't doubt her skills as a medic. Flipping a second switch on her Medi-Gun, a small light on the side of her device that read 'ÜBERCHARGE READY' suddenly lit up. Pururu pointed her Quick Fix at Giroro, who reluctantly ran out into the open as to her demands, and fired.

Giroro let out a war cry as the ÜberCharge hit his body and began causing his heart to race out of control. Feeling something incredible suddenly enter and flow naturally throughout him, Giroro's entire being instantly became engulfed in glowing red and his eyes turned bright, glowing yellow. Walking forwards toward the wave of soldiers in front of him with Pururu following close behind, Giroro turned on his gatling gun and opened fire on the blue Keroros. A rocket came soaring down on Giroro as a large explosion consumed the red heavy, who casually walked out from the spark-filled smoke completely unharmed.

"YEAAAH! HAHAHAHAHA!" Giroro let out a hardy laugh, catching the attention of his fellow comrades, who were beyond shocked at the sight in front of them. "I AM BULLET PROOF!"

Both Pururu and Giroro smiled victoriously as they watched the rows of soldiers fall one by one as they came charging towards them, Giroro's gun mowing them down like never before. The bodies quickly began to stack, both Keronians standing proudly at the top of the massive pile of dead soldiers. As Pururu stood towering over the remaining soldiers who were just seconds away from death by Giroro's hand, she made sure to keep the image she saw of their terrified faces locked in her memory for as long as possible. This was one moment the pink Keronian knew that she never wanted to forget.

* * *

**FUN FACT: **For those of you who haven't seen it yet or who didn't catch on, this specific page was based off of the original, unused 'Meet The Medic' script that Valve chose to drop (however you can still find the deleted scenes of it on Youtube by going to teamfortess' main channel). I decided to go with this version instead of the official 'Meet The Medic' because I found that the whole mad scientist persona didn't work well with Pururu's character as well as the original did.

**SIDE NOTE:** The Medic is the class that I play the most often in TF2.


	3. Meet The Keroldier

**MEET THE KEROLDIER**

* * *

Keroro stood proudly over the blank faces before him, walking upright in a straight line in front of the figures as they stared back at him with ah. They all stood in a row, watching silently as the green soldier continued his speech.

"'Fighting is the only way one can obtain victory. Anyone not willing to fight in battle has already lost the war!' Do any of you have any guess as to who said that? Only the single greatest representative of peace to ever live. That's right! The great Admiral Geroro said that! He said it in one of the single greatest moments in television history as he bravely stormed the vicious and dangerous planet of mutant Nyroros in episode 113 part two."

Keroro walked up and placed his finger down on the front of one of his listener's hats. "And do you think that you have what it takes to be as great as him one day? Well if you do, than let me tell you something, maggot! If this army had the same ranking system as Gundams, you'd be worth less than a HGUC RGM-79FP! That's right, let that sink in for a while!"

* * *

_Keroro's eyes burned with flames of passion as he let out a vicious battle cry. Tightly gripping his shovel in his right hand, he charged full speed into the furious battle that stood before him. Dodging every explosive that went off around him, he carefully made his way into the war zone, his red heavy standing up against the wall with his machine gun firing wildly a the enemy lines._

_"Keroro! Where the hell have you been!?" Giroro asked as he watched Keroro unceremoniously run passed him._

_"This is no time for questions, Giroro! This is a war, here!" he shouted back, quickly taking out his rocket launcher and began firing._

* * *

"Than after Admiral Geroro discovered that the planet was to be destroyed in only twelve hours, he used all of his remaining time there to bring together every Nyroro on the entire planet." Keroro continued his speech as he held a plastic mini-figure of Admiral Geroro in his right hand and one of a Nyroro in his left, waving them through the air to create the illusion of motion to help tell his story.

"And then at the very last minute, he herded them all into his ship and took off into the safety of space just moments before the planet finally erupted." he said before violently slamming the figure of Geroro against the plastic Nyroro. "And then he beat the CRAP OUT OF EVERY SINGLE ONE!"

* * *

_"SARGE! YOU CAME!" Tamama screamed with joy when he saw him run into battle and around the massive wooden fence that he was desperately using for cover._

_"Only when I'm needed!" Keroro yelled back, firing a single rocket straight into the ground in front of his feet, launching him into the air. Landing directly on top of the bridge that lead to the blue team's point, he jumped down towards the blue circle, blowing a group of his enemies that stood on top of it to pieces. Landing his feet perfectly onto the point, Keroro dropped his rocket launcher to the ground and reached for his shovel, his eyes glowing a bright yellow as his mouth twitched slightly into a sinister grin._

_"Gero, gero, gero." he whispered before immediately turning his body around, slamming the side of his shovel into an invisible blue spy's head._

* * *

"...and that's how Admiral Geroro ended the great Galactic war of 2386 before it even began!" Keroro finally finished as he jolted his body forward a step as to get up close and personal with his listeners. "Now, any questions?"

Silence filled the air. "Good! Now then, let's move on to episode 247; Battle On A Thousand Moons!" Keroro spoke before Giroro suddenly burst through the door with his gatling gun in hand.

"Keroro! We've got blues coming this way! Hurry and grab...your..." Giroro paused when he saw Keroro standing in front of several upstanding Gundam models, each of them placed perfectly in a row with the same metal hat that Keroro was wearing atop their heads. "...What...are you doing?"

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT KNOCKING FIRST!?" he shouted back. Unsure of what to say, Giroro grabbed the doorknob as he slowly stepped back outside from where he came, quietly shutting the door behind him.

"Geez, that guy can be a real pain sometimes. Am I right, guys?" Keroro asked himself as he grabbed one of the Gundams and began rocking it back in forth.

"He sure is. Kick some ass out there, sir!" Keroro's voice heightened as he moved the Gundam back and forth in the same rhythm as his words.

"I like your tone, maggot."

* * *

**FUN FACT: **The Medic might be the class that I play the most often, but the Soldier will always be my favorite class in general.


	4. Meet The Kuluneer

**MEET THE KULUNEER**

* * *

Kululu sat calmly in his small chair, enjoying the darkness of the night sky as he watched the flames in front of him flicker while shoving spoonfuls of curry and rice into his mouth. "Kukuku. So you want to know what makes me so special, huh? Well, I guess you could call me sort of a...'problem' solver."

A single stray bullet struck the broken down ship that rested behind him with Kululu not moving an inch and remaining on topic. "But not just any problems. I'm not talking like philosophical problems or anything like that." Two more unexpected bullets flew past him, once again striking the wrecked ship. "No, the problems that I solve are simply practical."

He stuffed down another spoon of curry as three loud shots from his left were fired, the sound of a screaming Giroro following shortly afterwards. Kululu set his plate down as a small meter that sat by his side flipped from '209' to '210'. "For example; say I'm just sitting here, trying to enjoy the lovely view in front of me..." Kululu looked down at the shower pic he took of the Announcer from earlier today and laughed. "...when all of a sudden, a bunch of hooligans decide they want to try and ruin it for me. In which case, what is a simple technical genius like me to do with a problem like that?"

His level one sentry turned to an intruding sniper from over the hill beside him, firing three quick shots and letting the painful screams of the blue Garuru fill the empty field. "The answer?"

Kululu's level two sentry fired its two mounted machine guns, helping to include the horrific screaming of Tamama to the already large number of loud noises that filled the yellow Keronian's ears.

"Kukuku. Easy. Build a machine to fix it. And if that machine doesn't work..." six large rockets fired off into the night sky from the level three sentry that stood behind the peaceful engineer's back.

"Build a bigger, better machine." Kululu placed his hand up against his left earphone and waited excitedly for the always stimulating sound to appear. A glare appeared on Kululu's glasses as the explosion went off. He slowly grabbed his plate and took another massive bite of curry in celebration.

"MY ARM!" Keroro screamed from off in the distance, his arm flying across the open field and landing directly beside Kululu's feet.

'That's always the best part.' he thought, tasting the wondrous spicy sensation from inside his mouth. "Like these machines I've got right here. This heavy caliber, tripod-mounted little old number comes to mind." he explained, kicking the green arm back into the air and watching as his sentry followed its trail and shot it right out of the sky.

"Now you're probably asking yourself, 'What does he do if he finds a problem that he can't solve with a machine?' Well, I can assure you, I've been around a lot longer than you have and that surely hasn't happened yet. When I have problems that need solving, I'm gonna find a way to fix them one way or another. And when I do..."

Kululu's voice suddenly turned deeper as a beam of light crossed the front of his glasses and disappeared. "...you best hope...that you aren't one of 'em."

The painful screams of the blue platoon surrounded the small circle of sentries, the normally peaceful night sky suddenly growing in volume as the sound of rockets, bullets and explosives filled the cold air, with only one other noise seeming to overpower them all.

"Kukukukuku! KUKUKUKUKUKU!"

* * *

**FUN FACT: **In case you haven't figured it out yet, Aki is the Announcer in my version, which should explain the shower pic joke from the third paragraph. Just making sure.


	5. Meet The Tamascout

The entire room was pitch black. Tamama stood beside Keroro as they waited patiently for the garage door in front of them to rise. "You ready to do this, Sarge?" Tamama whispered.

"You bet!" Keroro shouted back, his reply echoing loudly throughout the walls of the empty garage. He was immediately shushed by everyone else in the room the very next second.

"Shut up. You'll give us away." Giroro whispered to Keroro from a few feet away, agitated as usual at the soldier's stupidity.

"Hey. Don't talk to my Sarge like that. He's the most important member in our platoon." Tamama whispered back in the same tone.

"Yeah, until someone throws down a banana peal. Kukuku."

"Everyone quiet." Dororo silenced his comrade's bickering as the massive door slowly rose up from the ground, letting in the almost blinding light from the two lanterns that stood above the entrance. Tamama examined his surroundings, seeing almost every member of the blue team through the windows of the large building that was their base. He turned to Keroro as a cocky grin appeared on his face.

"Let's do this, Sarge." he said with a deep passion, catching a sweat covered Keroro's attention.

"Oh, what!? Oh...right. You guys go on ahead of me. I think I'm starting to feel a little queasy and I don't wanna slow you dow-" he said back before Giroro gladly walked up and pushed him out out of the garage.

Keroro's shotgun unexpectedly went off as soon as he hit the concrete ground, causing the group of reds to be noticed by their enemies. The blue Kululu quickly set up his sentry and watched as it aimed itself straight for the reds. Tamama instantly came speeding out of the garage, his platoon mates following slowly behind. Bullets fired all around the black scout's running legs, each of them missing by just half a second.

Making his way around the blue's defenses at speeds too quick for his foes to match, Tamama ran past their massive lines of fire power and to the back of their base. 'Almost there.' he thought, feeling as if the Keroball was so close that he could almost feel it sitting between his fingers.

"STOP!" he heard a strangely familiar voice shout from behind his back. Stopping dead in his tracks at the unexpected voice, he turned his body around and saw the blue platoon's scout staring him down with his usual beating, bloodshot eyes.

"FORGET IT, FAKER! THIS MAP ISN'T BIG ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US!" the red Tamama yelled before the two scout's cheeks began to inflate. Effortlessly floating into the air, they both simultaneously opened their mouths and let everything that was building up inside out.

"TAMAMA IMPACT!" they both screamed as the two yellow beams of light collided with one another, causing a huge ball of energy to form in the center of the collision, rapidly expanding its size before finally bursting in mid-air, engulfing the entire room in a bright explosion.

* * *

**MEET THE TAMASCOUT**

* * *

"Wow, I mean...I don't even know where to start. I've never had to explain to anyone how well I fight before. Well, first thing you should know is that I'm very sneaky."

* * *

_The blue Giroro sat over his campfire, a streaming yam stuck at the end of a wooden stick that he held in his left hand sitting over it. Pulling the yam out of the flames, he brought the small snack up to his mouth and prepared to take a bite before feeling the tip of someone's finger nudge the back of his head. _

_"Hi." the red Tamama politely said, watching Giroro's pupils slightly shrink when he turned his head to look at him._

* * *

"Second thing you need to know about me; I'm fast."

* * *

_Tamama screamed as he dodged each of the angry red Keronian's punches, ducking under each of them and reappearing behind his back._

* * *

"Third and most important; I'm really, really, REALLY strong."

* * *

_Tamama tugged on the ends of the bat that he had locked under Giroro's chin. He sat on his shoulders and pulled back on the bat as an even louder pair of violent screams filled the normally quiet air._

* * *

"Yep. Not to brag too much, but...I'm just about the strongest Keronian on the planet. No big." he looked proudly at his now flexing arm muscles.

* * *

_The screaming continued to grow louder as Giroro held Tamama's head wrapped around his arms. The black scout struggled to break free from his grip, his eyes now beating out of his head like two large baseballs._

* * *

"Here's a little poem I like to remember. 'Grass grows, birds fly. Sun shines, wimps cry. Everyone has something that they do the best. So what do I do that's better than the rest? Easy. I hurt people. I hurt them all day. And I'll always be the best NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY!'"

* * *

_"BOINK!" Tamama yelled as he swung his bat down at Giroro's bottom half, hitting him directly in the gut._

* * *

"Wrote that poem myself. You like it?"

* * *

_Bringing his bat back up, he swung it under Giroro's face and cuffed him in the bottom of the chin. "BONK!"_

* * *

"I'm telling you, for a little guy like me, I might just be the best there ever was. Behind Sarge, of course."

* * *

_Giroro desperately reached his arm out to grab his now cold and stale yam that was just inches from within his grasp as the red Tamama floated in the air above him, his cheeks inflating like balloons before releasing the energy that was building inside. _

_"TAMAMA IMPACT!"_

_"NOOOOO-!" Giroro screamed, the light from the beam immersing his entire being._

* * *

"WHOO!"

* * *

**FUN FACT:** "I...Eat...Your...YAMS! I EAT 'EM ALL!" -Tamascout


	6. Meet The Heavyro

**MEET THE HEAVYRO**

* * *

Giroro walked up to the pile of thick cardboard boxes that laid in front of him, carefully holding his gatling gun in hand and setting it on top. The gun crushed over the flexible boxes and almost reached the floor. Giroro rested in the small chair that sat over his weapon and let go of the gun's metal handle.

"My name is Giroro. Highly skilled weapons specialist from the invasion force of the Keron army. Some of my friends like to call me the 'Heavy Weapons Frog', but I was never that big a fan of nicknames. But if there is one thing I've learned from my years on the battlefield, it's that when going to war, always pick the best weapon." Giroro reached his hand over and tugged on his gun's thick handle.

"Take this baby for instance. She weighs a total of fifty kilograms and fires a hundred dollar custom cartridges at five thousand rounds per minute. Put that into your calculator, see how much that adds up to. Probably costs more than every other weapon in this entire froggin' place combined just to fire this thing for twelve seconds."

* * *

Giroro turned the rotor of his gun, examining its condition before suddenly coming to a stop and giving a shocked expression. "My god." he dramatically whispered as he pulled his chair closer and brought his face further down for a better look. "Someone's been touching my gun?"

Giroro turned his head away from his weapon and looked off into the span of the dark warehouse where he was sitting as a furious look appeared on his face. "Alright! Who touched Ms. Firebottom!?"

* * *

"Some frogs think that they can outsmart me. I personally don't think so. I've been inside the ring of fire more times than I can count. And even if somehow you are able to outsmart me..." he brought up a gold plated cartridge that he held in his hand. "...I wonder how well you'll do at outsmarting a bullet to the face?"

* * *

_"YEAAAAH!" Giroro cheered as he mowed down his enemies from atop a small plateau that stood over the blue team's trench, watching as all of the blue's fighters fell inside like bricks and the rest of the team's cowards scarcely ran away. "CRY YOU COWARDS! CRYYYY!"_

* * *

"Hehehe. Cry, cowards, cry."

* * *

**FUN FACT: **Yeah, this one was pretty boring to do. Mostly because 'Meet The Heavy' really isn't that entertaining compared to the other Valve shorts (I mean no offence to anyone who likes Meet The Heavy). So sorry if this one was a little too short and not as fun. BTW, did you catch the subtle change I made to Giroro's gun's name? In case you didn't, 'Ms. Firebottom' is a reference to the name of Giroro's cat in the English dub, Ms. Furbottom. Okay, it was pretty obvious. XD


	7. Meet The Sniperu

The enormous grey ship flew across the sky over the dirt covered desert, its driver admiring the vast yet simple scenery. Turning his attention to a small Sumomo bobblehead figure that rested beside an empty ash tray on his front deck, he brought his finger toward the accessory and flicked it once, making its head turn wildly in all directions.

"Boom. Head shot."

* * *

**MEET THE SNIPERU**

* * *

"Sniping is a very serious job." Garuru said, turning the ship slightly to the right to avoid an incoming mountain. "It requires the perfect amount of patience, stealth and focus to even be called a Sniper. How good you are at your job takes an entirely different level skills."

* * *

_Garuru stared at his reflection in the mirror as he brushed his last few remaining teeth with the purple brush he had in his hand. Hanging on the farthest right side the mirror by individual pieces of scotch tape were three separate photos of Kululu, Tamama and Joriri. The photos of Kululu and Tamama had two giant red 'X's drawn through them, leaving the photo of Joriri not yet tampered with. Garuru bent his head down over the sink and spit out the contents in his mouth before turning his head back up and eyeing the photo of the tea green colored Keronian with a distasteful frown._

* * *

"And you'd better always be prepared with a plan to kill anyone at anytime. Because one thing I've learned after my years of being a sniper is this; as long as there's still two living things left in this universe, someone is gonna want someone dead."

_Garuru aimed vigilantly for the blue Joriri's head, the Keronian too busy enjoying a bowl of Ramen to be bothered to take cover. Bringing the bowl up and slurping the noddles into his mouth, Joriri's entire face became covered by the bottom of the bowl as Garuru pulled the trigger. The bowl shattered to pieces, causing the noodles inside to spill out onto Joriri's face, the steaming hot water getting in his eyes and blinding him. Joriri screamed in pain and pulled out his grenade launcher, blindly firing in all directions, trying to find his attacker. Taking one too many steps backwards, he tripped over the edge of an unexpected drop and fell backwards off of the ledge he was standing on._

_Pulling his scope down, Garuru saw Joriri's body fall off the high peak, his mouth screaming the entire way down, and into an unexpected trench below, directly landing on an unforeseen row of explosive barrels, instantly setting them off and blowing his corpse to pieces._

_"Ooh" Garuru said as he flinched at the sight of the explosion._

* * *

_Giroro panicked as his gatling gun eventually ran out of bullets, his barrel still thunderously rotating with nothing coming out. Shutting his weapon off and throwing it to the side, Giroro threw his fists up at the three still remaining blues that were surrounding him. Having made the red heavy scared enough to be backed into a wall, the blue platoon members smiled menacingly as they prepared to kill the lone Keronian. Suddenly, one by one, blood began to burst out of each of their heads, their bodies buckle to the ground immediately afterwards. _

_Giroro's face turned irritated, knowing exactly where said shots had come from. "I didn't need your help, you know!" Giroro shouted into the air, knowing that his know-it-all brother would hear him._

_"Sorry! Maybe loose a few pounds and no one would mistake you for a target!" Garuru yelled back in annoyance._

_"OH, TAKE YOUR FANCY HAT AND SHOVE IT!"_

* * *

_"I'm not a crazed gunfrog, mom. I'm an assassin." Garuru said into the telephone and paused to hear his mother's reply. "Well the difference is that one is a job and the other's a mental sickness!"_

* * *

"Let me tell you something. My parents, me and my brother...we don't get along."

* * *

_Garuru stared through his scope, eyeing his next group of targets with caution. 'Did one of them see me?' he thought._

_"Yes! Yes, he did!" he said out loud, ducking from the sudden barrage of bullets that was now attacking his tower._

* * *

"Feelings!? Okay. You know who has a lot of feelings? Frogs that spend nights upon nights over at the local bars to complain to their equally drunk friends about how much they hate their jobs before coming home and letting their remaining 'feelings' out on their black eye wearing wife. That's who has a lot of feelings! Professionals have standards."

* * *

_Garuru jabbed his laser sword into the blue Dororo's back, causing it to burn through him and stick out of his chest. Dororo looked down in horror before falling weightlessly to the floor as Garuru forcefully pulled the sword back out._

"Be polite."

_Garuru placed a red colored rose over the dead spy's body, resting his arm on his right knee and begun his five second long moment of silence._

* * *

"Be efficient."

_Garuru stuck three bullets into his gun as fast as possible, immediately firing after each reloading and taking out four blue Keronians in a row, smiling as he realized that he had just set his new record time._

* * *

"Have a plan to kill every frog you meet!"

* * *

_"Mom...mom please, put..." Garuru sighed. "...put Dad on the phone."_

* * *

**FUN FACT: **I know that this page didn't have that many differences from the actual 'Meet The Sniper', but him and Garuru just have so few differences in their personalities, it was hard to try and find ways to make this version different. But all and all, I think it turned out pretty well.


	8. Meet The Demori

**MEET THE DEMORI**

* * *

"What makes me a good Demofrog? Well son, have you ever heard the saying "War's not what makes one great"? Allow me to explain." Joriri set his grey colored stool down in front of him and placed his left foot on top of it, rubbing his chin with his thumb and index finger. "If you find yourself stuck in a hallway, just turn around and find the door from where you came in. If you find that there is no door, then why are you even in the hall to begin with? The answer; windows."

* * *

_"Joriri! Come on! The blues are coming this way!" Tamama yelled after he saw his Junior leaning against the wall with his hands behind his head and letting out a tired yawn._

_"Yeah, yeah. I'm coming." Joriri replied as he watched his platoon buddies run past him with loaded weapons in each their hands. Tamama grew a bit annoyed at the naive Keronian._

_"You know, you really shouldn't be so careless all the time. This is a war, remember!?" Tamama spoke, trying to sound mature towards his Junior before quickly sprinting outside to join in the fight. Joriri eventually followed them out of the base and into the light of day, where he was immediately greeted by a barrage of small explosions that followed him as he walked easygoing across the battlefield, seeming to effortlessly avoid them all._

* * *

"So I'm just standing there in the line for the Ramen stand waiting for it to move forward, and when I finally get there, the guy behind it starts ask'n me all these weird questions like 'Why do I think I'm qualified?' and 'What type of special skills do I have?' Of course, I just wanted to get my Ramen, so I did what he said. Before I knew it, I'm being shipped out here with all these other guys and given all these really big guns. Took me a whole two months before I finally got my Ramen. It tasted pretty good. So in my eyes...worth it."

* * *

_Joriri strolled carelessly towards cover as he lifted his gun up with his left hand and fired one of his grenades into a large wall that stood in front of him, causing it to bounce off and land directly on the head of the Pyro that had chosen to just now begin chasing him, leaving nothing left of the masked Keronian but a pile of charred limbs. _

_Turning around the corner, he saw one of the blue engineer's sentries being set up. Suddenly choosing to stop walking and take a small breather, Joriri fired two more red grenades out of his grenade launcher as he stuck his right hand's ring finger up his nose, turning his head up towards the sky and away from the dangerous machine in front of him. The bombs skimmed across the ground towards the sentry, causing it to instantly react and fire two massive rockets at the unguarded Demofrog's upper body. _

_Just as the two rockets grew closer, Joriri suddenly decided to fall backwards onto the ground and sit down as he automatically and randomly chose to take a quick break, causing the two rockets to fly right over him. The sentry then began to follow the two grenades that Joriri had fired, each bullet just barely missing the glowing red bombs, which soon landed directly below the sentry's legs before igniting and destroying the helpless machine in the blink of an eye._

* * *

"Some say I'm too careless when I'm out on the battlefield. That if I don't shape up, I'm gonna get myself shot in the head. My senior, Mr. Tamama likes to yell at me a lot about that. Have you ever heard the saying "Imagination is more important than knowledge"? Let me explain. If you decide to go fishing and you end up catching something, but then realize that you feel bad for the fish, don't worry about it. Just remember; it wasn't your fault that the fish took the bait, but because fishing is illegal in some parts of the ocean."

* * *

_A full five frog assault of blues came charging around the corner of the building that lead to the back exit, spotting Joriri standing outside in the open while cleaning himself in an oddly placed shower and bathtub that he supposedly brought into the battle himself. Having his back turned from where the group of blues were coming out from, Joriri continued to casually scrub his armpits as the blues began running towards him with murderous smiles on each of their faces. _

_Reaching the end of the exit, the blue Giroro spotted something in the corner of his eye, hanging above the door's opposite entrance. Turning his head up to look, he saw something that made his heart skip a beat. Several sticky bombs were surrounding the entire outside of the entrance to the building, no doubt put there by Joriri before they arrived. Quickly turning himself around, Joriri remained in his still running shower as he gave the group a quick wave of his hand in a sign of both a greeting and a farewell. _

_The bombs went off. The army of blues turned into a gruesome splatter of blood and severed limbs, half of which remained spread across the walls of the building and the other half falling from the sky like drops of rain. Stepping outside of the tub, Joriri wrapped a white towel around his waist and once again looked carelessly at the mess he had just created. Setting his grey stool down in front of him, he lifted his left leg up and placed his foot on top of it, his thumb and index finger massaging his chin. _

_"Have you boys ever heard the saying "Death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily"?" Joriri said out loud to the mutilated group of men he had just killed. "You haven't? Good. Cause it'll ruin your life."_

* * *

**FUN FACT: **For anyone curious as to why I chose Joriri as Demoman instead of someone like Giroro (who we all know is a fan of explosives and has a scar over his eye that's similar to Demoman's eye patch), it's because I find that Giroro's down to Earth attitude doesn't fit well with the Demoman's carefree personality. And since Joriri's entire thing is that he's completely carefree, I thought, made him the right choice. Also, in case you hadn't noticed, most of Joriri's jokes on famous sayings are usually just Japanese puns, which is very hard to do in English and still make it funny. So instead, for his English persona, I made him into a small spin on the abridged version of Joriri from TheMidnightFrog's Sgt. Frog Abridged series and made him just say the most random, stupid things any human being could think to say, which in my eyes makes his carefree personality all the more noticeable.


	9. Meet The Shuryro

**MEET THE SHURYRO**

* * *

The air was thick with the lifeless ash that consumed it, fitting in well with the scenery around it. The piles of wood that covered the open field were black as charcoal and the sky that stood over everything was a burning red. The sun was no longer visible. Just smoke. Smoke and fire. The sound of rocks and empty bullet cartridges being kicked under the young Keronian's feet made everything complete. Stepping onto a broken pair of swirl covered glasses, shattering them instantly, the young Pyro knew that he was getting close and readied himself for what was to come, holding his ax steady in his left hand as it swung over the misty, clay-like ground.

* * *

_"There are very few things in this world that can terrify me." Giroro spoke, peering his head around the barely lit room to be sure that no one he knew could hear his next few words. "But whatever that...that THING is...uhh." he struggled to put his words together. "I shouldn't be scared...but I am."_

* * *

The blue team's Kululu pushed the young Tamama out of the shack that he chose to take cover in, telling him to find somewhere else to hide. Watching as the door slammed in front of him, Tamama turned over his shoulder and saw the beast's heart-stopping silhouette come strolling in from a few yards away. Instantly going into panic mode, Tamama rushed back towards the door and began violently tugging on the handle, unaware that Kululu had already braced the door shut.

* * *

_"No. I just...I can't. I'm not talking about that freak! Alright!" Keroro said, struggling to tear his microphone off of his chest before coming to a horrific conclusion. "Oh god. He's here isn't he!? This is a set-up, isn't it!? LOOK, I'M SORRY I TOOK YOUR BAND AID WHEN WE WERE KIDS, ALRIGHT! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! PLEASE!" he jumped out of his seat and began running all around the room, carelessly knocking over everything that stood in his way. "Where's the door? HOW THE FROG DO I GET OUT OF HERE!?"_

* * *

Joriri coward behind the wall as he saw the door beside him furiously kick open, scaring him like nothing else. He took each breath carefully as he watched the monster's horrendous instrument slowly creak its way into the room, ready to ignite and burn everything in its sights until nothing was left but its carrier.

* * *

_Dororo blew calmly onto his cup of steaming hot green tea before speaking. "No one truly knows what sort of unnatural thoughts would be enough to create a Keronian with such...cruelty."_

* * *

The young Pyro looked up at the several burning buildings that he had just destroyed, lighting his flame thrower and graciously making the bright flames spread even wider.

* * *

_"What dreams...what NIGHTMARES could there be that could sustain such a thing?"_

* * *

**Shirara skipped happily through the playground outside his school, using his rainbow thrower to help spread the joy around to the other children. All of the boys and girls smiled and laughed as he passed them, each of their skins turning a mural of assorted colors as the rainbow covered their bodies. The girls were showing their new colors off to each other as the boys began hiding around the park to see if he could catch and spray them in a sort of friendly game. **

**"Hey, Shirara!" the boy heard a young Giroro shout to him from in front of the swingset. "Wanna push me?!" **

**"Sure!" Shirara replied and began running over to the swings. Giroro sat down and readied himself as Shirara grabbed a tight hold of the seat. **

**"Now remember. I wanna go up really high. So push as hard as you can." Giroro asked excitedly. **

**"You got it." Shirara said in return. Bringing his arms up as high as they could go, Shirara used all of his strength and smiled as he threw his arms down and pushed the swing forward.**

Giroro screamed in pain as the Pyro threw his already wounded body over the side of the base, causing him to land directly onto a flaming pile of sharp, broken chunks of wood.

**Giroro screamed in excitement as the swingset flew all the way over the bars and back around again. "Than-ks Shi-rara." Giroro said as he swung up and over the bars three times in a row.**

**"Hey, Shirara! How's it going, dude?" a young Keroro asked as he ran up behind Shirara and tapped him on the back of his shoulder. Shirara turned around and frowned.**

**"Hey, Keroro." Shirara unpleasantly said, still reminded of the time he rudely took his band aid from him. **

**"Look. I wanted to apologize for what happened with the band aid. I hope we can still be friends. Wanna play tag? You're it!" Keroro yelled before quickly sprinting away. Shirara shrugged as he soon gave in to the green Keronian's demands and chased after him, eventually catching up to him and reaching his arm out to tag him.**

"PLEASE! I'M BEGGING Y-" Keroro shouted his last words before the Pyro lunged his ax into his back, causing blood to fly out and stain the tip of the weapon.

**"Gotcha'!" Shirara announced as he tagged Keroro in the back. Keroro fell to the floor out of breath in defeat. **

**"Ahh, man!" he snapped his fingers. "You win again. Why are so good at this?"**

**"Oh, Shirara?" the boy then heard the soft and warming sound of his crush Pururu's voice. Turning his head around with cheeks of red, Shirara attempted to keep his cool as Pururu smiled divinely at his innocent face.**

**"OH! H-Hey Pupuru. I mean...Rurupu. No, I mean...dang it!" Shirara said, Pururu chuckling over him.**

**"Just shut up and give me a kiss already." Pururu said in return, making Shirara's heart pound.**

**"You...you mean it!?" he said with joy. Pururu nodded and pressed her lips out. Shirara did the same as the two came closer and closer together.**

The close-rang impact of the Pyro's flare gun sent Pururu flying backwards as her head nearly broke from her body and her deafening, bloodcurdling scream filled the air.

**Shirara pulled his mouth away from Pururu's, his mind completely blown by what he had just done. "Wow. That was awesome!" he said, Pururu giggling in return.**

**"Shirara! Time to go home!" he heard his mother call from over the fence that separated the park from the rode. Shirara sighed in disappointment and turned to the other kids.**

**"Sorry, guys. Looks like we'll have to continue this some other time." he announced, making everyone give a long, saddened 'Ahh...'. **

**Shirara! Come on!" she shouted once again.**

**"Alright, I'm coming. See ya', guys!" he yelled as he ran off to follow his mom, each of the children waving goodbye to him as he left.**

The sound of buildings crumbling under themselves and the cries of the dying blue platoon was all that could be heard in the flame covered base. Keronians were running from left to right trying to survive, half of them already bleeding and leaving a definite trail behind them. One certain Keronian by the name of Garuru jumped outside the window of his burning tower just before it collapsed behind him. His body hit the ground with enough momentum that it broke both of his legs. He used his remaining strength to crawl to safety, eventually reaching someone's foot and grabbing onto it for protection.

"HELP ME!" Garuru screamed as he looked up at whoever it was that he had just grabbed onto, only a second later wishing that he hadn't.

Shurara aimed his flamethrower down at the purple Keronian's head, igniting the flames and watching as the enemy sniper began rolling around on the floor, the flames spreading across his body and his scream turning more high pitched each second.

* * *

**"Did you have fun with the other kids today, sweaty?" his mother asked as they walked down the sidewalk and into the sunset back towards home.**

Being the last surviving blue member, Kululu looked down at the gaping hole in his chest, his vision immediately going dark before he weightlessly fell forwards into the ground and joined the rest of his corpse platoon, who were now reduced to nothing but either skeletons, burning stiffs or just giant splats of blood that covered the ground. Shurara whistled his favorite song as he walked off and out of the torched and in some parts still burning base, watching one of the only three buildings left standing tilt to the left and fall to pieces like a house of cards.

**"I sure did, mom. This was the best day ever!"**

* * *

**FUN FACT: **So to sum up; in this universe, the Keron Helmet that Shurara wore in the show is still the same Keron Helmet, but instead of just controlling him, its showing him cheerful and false visions of him during his childhood while the mask is actually controlling his body and making him do all of this killing. Yeah, I know it's dark but come on! Tell me that it's not any less dark than the actual 'Meet The Pyro'.


	10. Expiration Date: Part 1

The sky just above the mountain range in the distance was a light orange. The sun's raze shined over the desert land, its lifeless and rock covered surface occupied only by the soothing sound of morning wind. A lone grey cloud hovered above the land, sitting silently in place before quickly being blown away by a speeding green ship that flew in unexpectedly from behind it. The green ship's engines roared with the sound of burning launch exhausts as it sped through the sky toward its new destination.

Sitting inside the control room of the large green ship were two small Keronians dressed in bright red. Tamama, the scout, was laying in the passenger seat fast asleep with his head pointing off to the side and a small stream of drool escaping his mouth. In the driver seat sat Giroro, the heavy, who was focusing all of his attention on the sky ahead of him while also trying to ignore the scout's distracting snores.

A small monitor that rested on the front deck of the ship's control panel next to Tamama began beeping. Giroro waited stoically for Tamama to wake up and notice, but quickly lost his patience and resorted to smacking Tamama across the face with his palm when he wouldn't, instantly causing the young Keronian to spring up out of his nap.

"OW! What was that fo...!?" Tamama yelled in annoyance before noticing the beeping monitor sitting in front of him. "Oh..." he finished before reaching his arm forward and pressing the activation button below the blank screen. Replacing the monitor's empty screen was a black and white visual of what appeared to be a tall teenage girl standing in a desolated underground base almost identical to theirs.

"Hi, Lady Natsumi!" Tamama politely said as Giroro did his best to not look directly at the monitor, keeping his focus completely on the sky in front of him.

"Hello, Tamama. Tell me you idiots got the Keroball." Natsumi replied in an unenthusiastic manner.

"Yep!"

"And nobody saw you?" Natsumi asked. Tamama shrugged his shoulders, a bit hesitant to answer.

"Well...basically nobody." he answered, Natsumi rolling her eyes in return.

"Tamama...I'm here right now." she admitted, causing the atmosphere around Tamama to immediately feel heavy.

"Oh...well, you see..." Tamama said before having his face pinned against the seat by the palm of an unexpected Keroro jumping out from behind the two front seats.

"Greetings, Lady Natsumi! We killed everyone and took the Keroball!" Keroro proudly proclaimed, holding the Keroball up for Natsumi to see.

"Not everyone, Toad." she responded as a small Keronian hand appeared from below the screen, slowly rising out from beside Natsumi's feet. "You guys left nine witnesses."

Natsumi pulled out her gun and fired down at the floor beside the rising hand. A painful shriek was heard as the hand froze in place before falling out of frame. "Eight."

Giroro could see the opening hanger to their base just below from where they were flying. He quickly brought the ship down toward Earth and hovered over the entrance before finally making his way inside. The ship landed with ease and eventually came to a complete stop, the rotting corpse of a Keronian soldier dressed in blue falling from the roof of the ship and onto the base's hard ground with a splat.

"Just keep the Keroball safe and don't get into any more trouble until I'm finished here. Have a good weekend, frogs." Natsumi finished, Keroro releasing Tamama from his grip and turning back where he came.

"Thank you, Lady Natsumi! I'll be leaving the ship now!" he said. Tamama rubbed his sore cheeks as he muffled crossly to himself, unlocking his side door and exiting the ship as well. Giroro, however, chose to stay inside for a few moments longer, seeing that the rest of his platoon was already out of the ship. Having finally found his chance, he turned to the monitor and spoke.

"Hey, uh...Natsumi. Just...before you go." Giroro said, feeling a heavy sweat begin to build up around his forehead.

"Yes, Giroro?" Natsumi asked, grabbing hold of the legs of a long dead Medic Keronian and dragging her off screen. Giroro scratched the back of his neck.

"You're...umm...uh..." Giroro struggled to piece together his words, a red blush line covering the front of his face.

"...You're probably...busy this weekend, right?" he finally found the courage to ask. Natsumi had finished moving all of the bodies into one stacked pile as she wiped her hands together, satisfied by her work.

"Funny that you should ask." she replied, reaching her arm out of frame and bringing it back just as quickly, now holding a large wooden ax. "It looks like I'll be burying bodies all weekend. You know, so that you guys don't go to jail."

OH! G-Good! Good." Giroro unnervingly said. "So...we're both busy."

An awkward five seconds passed by as the two silently stared at each other, both unsure of how to react. A loud crashing noise suddenly appeared behind Natsumi, who jumped back in surprise.

"Oops! Gotta' go!" she yelled, disappearing off screen moments before the monitor shut off. Giroro sat there, feeling an odd mixture of relief and humiliation, as he sighed and laid his head on the seat.

"Every damn time. What is the matter with me?" he thought out loud, instantly being given a retort by his spy teammate, who was standing just outside his open window.

"You know, you could always ask me for advice on how to ask Natsumi out if you ever need it." Dororo said, Giroro turning his head away from Dororo with a stubborn huff.

"I don't need anyone's help, Dororo! Now for the last time, stay out of my personal life." Giroro said back annoyed. Dororo sighed and walked away, arms crossed and head shaking.

"Just know that my offer still stands."

Giroro exited the ship, stretching his back out as he stood. "Yeah. I'll be sure to remember that." he said sarcastically.

Tamama looked around the base at his fellow comrades. He saw Joriri jump up into a nearby refrigerator portal and disappear, Giroro sit himself down on concrete block and begin wiping the muzzle of his gun with a white cloth, and Keroro throw the corpse of the blue team's soldier over his shoulder and throw it into the nearest garbage bin. Tamama also noticed that their Medic, Pururu, and Engineer, Kululu were standing over a wooden table in the middle of the base, which carried one of the refrigerator portals along with a few hand tools and a small remote.

"Hey Pururu. Kululu. What have you two been working on?" Tamama asked, tossing the keys to the ship toward them, only for them to fall to the floor after the two Keronians made no effort to catch them.

"Nice...catch." he commented, both Pururu and Kululu giving him blank, unreadable looks. Pururu gulped down the pressure of her and her team's present situation as she spoke up.

"Excuse me, guys! If I could have eneryone's attention!?" Pururu called out, causing everyone in the room to stop what they were doing and turn to face the pink Medic. "Me and Kululu have both been running a few experiments on the fridge portals. And I think...you all better take a look at this. Kululu?" she turned to the yellow Engineer, who graciously nodded and picked up the small remote laying on the table.

"With pleasure. Clicky!" Kululu pressed a large red button on the remote, causing the fridge to immediately open.

A few seconds of melodious sounds were heard as a single fully ripened star fruit came slowly levitating out of the refrigerator. Keroro's eyes gleamed with excitement as Tamama just shrugged what he was seeing off.

"Oh, wow. You can send star fruit through the portal. Greeeat." Tamama moaned. Pururu reached forward and took the star fruit in her hands, holding each end tightly as she looked down at it with a serious expression.

"So does anyone know where Joriri headed off to? Cause I wanted to ask him if he-" Tamama was cut off when he saw Pururu rip the star fruit in half, revealing that all of the inside was covered completely in large, pulsating yellow bulges, the largest ones dripping a steaming golden acid out of them like a recently popped zit.

Tamama jumped back in shock as he screamed at the sight of the bulging infections. "WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS!?"

Pururu looked up at Tamama with a stern expression. "Warts." she answered in a dark tone.

Kululu adjusted his hard hat before speaking to his teammates. "Kukuku! You all know what this means, right?"

Keroro grabbed the nearest person he saw, being Tamama, and forced him into the table, violently chocking him out of pure rage. "NOOO! WE CAN'T TELEPORT STAR FRUIT ANYMORE!" Keroro yelled, bringing his fist up to begin pummeling the young scout before Pururu ran up and grabbed his arm just in the nick of time.

"Woah! Woah! Calm down, Keroro! You can still send star fruit through the portal, alright! Send as much through the portal as you want!" she desperately cried as to get Keroro to calm down, Tamama nodding in agreement with a scared smile covering his face.

Keroro sighed in relief, letting Tamama go and bringing his arm down. Pururu turned to the other Keronians standing in the room with her and spoke out loud. "That goes for everyone. If there's anything any of you wanted to do before you...you know...died..." she leaned her head forward in a gloomy manner. "...now would be a good time."

"How long do we have?" Dororo asked, "Before these 'warts' kill us?"

"Well, that's simple." Kululu answered. "Since the portal I built had to bend through the laws of space and time in order to function, all we have to do is minus the energy-span of one star fruit from the Newtonian law of physics through which anything below the simple Keronian mass of one Keron multiplied by every six times we've used the portal each day over the course of four years..."

"WILL YOU JUST GET TO THE POINT!" Giroro shouted impatiently. A bright flash of light shot across Kululu's glasses as he was rudely silenced by Giroro's outburst.

"Fine, if you don't have the will to learn." Kululu continued. "Three days. We all have three days to live."

Everyone jumped back in shock at Kululu's sudden reveal, their jaws dropped and their eye lids open wide. A terrified silence filled the room as each of the red Keronians began thinking deeply about the situation they were in.

'Three days...'

'...until death.'

'Three days.'

Joriri suddenly came bursting through the refrigerator that sat atop the table, several steaming bowls of Ramen noodles sitting in his open arms as he cheered into the air.

"WHOO! WHOOHOO! Whoo! Whoo...," he suddenly noticed that everyone in the room was staring at him blankly, occasionally turning to look at each other with the same expressions before turning right back to him.

Joriri shrugged. "...What?"

* * *

**EXPIRATION DATE**

* * *

Yep, I'm actually doing this. The idea was just too much fun to pass up. This is only part one, however. The entire thing will be split up into four parts, depending on however long this takes. Normally I would say that I'm currently working on the next part and that I should have it uploaded soon, but I just have SOOOOO much on my plate right now. So yeah, it might be a while before I continue this. Or not? I'm honestly not sure how my schedule is going to work at the moment. But for now, enjoy this little preview of what's to come :)

**FUN FACT: **This story was originally going to have drastic changes from the original 'Expiration Date'. Originally, Miss Pauling was going to just be left out of the story entirely and it would have centered around Tamama wanting to go on a date with his already known crush Keroro while Joriri ended up being the one to teleport food for the three days. But after getting no where with that idea, I just decided to change it to Giroro and Natsumi.


End file.
